COMPLETE AND UTTER
One factor that seems to be flying in below the radar of the "wildly speculative" debate about whether or not we should even consider mounting offensive nuclear strikes (wtf?!) against Iran, is that the Bush administration (if its response to Any and All Bad News in Iraq is any indication) has already formulated a built-in excuse for any unpleasant (and, yes, well, gruesome) collateral damage that might (will) occur in the wake of a (fucking) Nuclear Strike (I can't belieeve I'm having to talk about this) against Iran. That is — and this will run concurrent with and complementary to the if-you're-against-war-you're-against-freedom meme, which never gets old — somehow, when everything goes to shit and Iranian civilians are staggering through the streets choking up pieces of glowing green lung, the Bush response will be easily reduced to "Look what you made me do!"

It's the classic refrain of the habitual fuck up (and domestic abuser), when the ugly scope of the consequence is gradually laid bare before them in ways they can't deny.

Practice it now, because it will come in handy when feelings of guilt accompany the haunting visions of flesh falling away from the bone of innocents.

SURFACE TISSUE
Does anyone else remember when Ring Around the Collar was the biggest problem facing America?

WEIGHTS & WAITS & MEASURES
Caffeine. Oh sweet caffeine. Why do you have to make me love you like that? You tender bitch. Let's be emotional. Let's emote together while it rains outside and the barometer goes haywire. My love for you is barometric. That is, it is made of teddy bears that I weigh in kilograms.

I am waiting patiently for the Official Spring Weather to arrive in Chicago. We've had glimpses, but little in the way of full-on weekend heat — the kind you can T-shirt and sandal your way through. I have lived my last six summers in Dallas, where Official Spring Weather arrives in mid-January, and where Official Hot Humid Hell reaches full swing by the ides of April. I am unaccustomed to waiting. Waiting is for homos. That is, homo sapiens that I weigh in kilograms.

You might wonder why I drink coffee the way I do. You might wonder why I choose to rock my body this way. To you I say: Mind your own business. There is enough coffee for everyone. Rock your own body any way you like. We can all rock our bodies in unison. That is, the son of a unicorn, weighed in kilograms.

PARSEC
A civilized society should not allow its members to say "congrats" without consequence.